UGH

Trey has been sick since last Sunday and is NOT getting any better. We have had 3 trips to the doctor and a trip to the ER and no one can seem to find the issue. They all keep telling me it is viral and probably the FLU... Well not sure what strain of the flu this might be but if it is... it is a long flu that is making me crazy and making Trey feel horrible. he has fever, headache and generally just feels horrible. Not to mention the fact that he is missing so much school and the makeup work... holy kamole..... pray for this viral infection to go away!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good Days and Bad Days

Everyone keeps saying that there are good days and bad days in the grieving process. I am waiting and clinging to the Lord's promises for the Good days to come. It just seems to be one bad day after another. It still seems so unreal to me that mom is gone. I try to be strong, I try to smile, I try to laugh, try to enjoy life and I feel like I am in slow motion as the world is spinning around me. Please pray for good days to come, for tears to slow down and for the empty feeling to be filled with JOY.

NOT what I want to see in the afternoon...

I took off on Friday to finish the last minute details for my mother's memorial service and Trey and Travis went to school. I laid out their ADD medication and after they went off to school, I found this lying on the table. Bet Friday was a GREAT day for Trey's teachers. Oh WEll...

Emotionally and physically drained....

WOW.... the memorial is over and I am drained beyond belief. The memorial was perfect and a great tribute to my mother. It was so nice to hear all the wonderful things about my mother. I knew her as a mother but to hear about her as a teacher was an awesome thing. The music was great and the message was wonderful. Many life lessons to learn. I learned many things from my mother but the greatest lesson from her was to enjoy life to the fullest. At 60 picking herself back up after a divorce, she never complained. She could have looked back but instead only looked forward and with a grateful heart. She never worried about money, health or sweated the small stuff. She was full of joy and it showed. My life will never be the same without her but my memories I have with my mother and my boys are precious and nothing can erase those memories. I know the road ahead will be hard but I also know who will be guiding me along this rocky path. He will never leave me or forsake and I am clinging to this promise. Please continue to pray for my family as we continue to process this loss and the pain and sadness we feel. Thank you so much for helping to honor my mother and loving our family along the way.

Ready or NOT

Saturday, my mother's memorial is right around the corner. It seemed like when we decided on Jan 22 it was forever away. I am ready for Sat. in some ways to have some closure but in other ways not ready for the tears again. I didn't know someone could have so many tears. I am leaning on the Lord to guide me through the fog I have been in and am hopeful in HIM to heal the open wound. It hits me at so many weird times and it overwhelms me that my mom is really gone. Please continue to pray for our family as we continue to process all of this and as we begin the grieving process. Not looking forward to this year of firsts without my mom.

Sickness

Well after being very blessed with a healthy December, Travis is sick. Yesterday he woke up with croup and it still not feeling well but didn't want to miss school again today. I love that boy... love that he loves school. Trey on the other hand missed yesterday as well saying he was sick but that boy is only sick of school. How can a school teacher mom raise a boy who doesn't like school.
Today in kindergarten I have 2 kids absent and one going home and several who feel sick. I have been coughed on, sneezed on and one girl said she might throw up... thankfully she did not throw up on me. Germ city.... Pray for protection from the germs for all of us.

Cleaning out

Yesterday 8 sweet friends came to the rescue to finish cleaning out my mother's house. Last weekend my husband mother law and friend helped sort and this weekend was the final purge. I expected it to take all day and it was amazing how many hands can move mountains. Things were moving and Drew kept taking the stuff to my house and wow it all got done. Amazing. Then more friends came to my house and helped put things away and when I went to bed last night it was nice to know my house was in order. Thank you to awesome friends. I couldn't have done this without your help. Still a few things to finish like calling UGM to pick up items but those are minor details, at least now it is all packed up sorted through and waiting for a new home. Next weekend is still going to be hard but am ready for some closure. Continue to pray for this week as we make final preps for the memorial.

The Day has Come...

Lord, Please help me and grant me patience. My boys are starting to text with girls. I know for some of you it started earlier but for Trey who is 13 is pretty slow in this area and Travis who is 10 is above the curve. Both of them 'like" girls but Travis is one I worry about. Trey has girl friends and seems to get along with lots of girls but Travis is the one who I think will be girl crazy. As a mom it makes me sad that all of their heart is still not mine. UGH.... I know it's a part of life but I so want to protect them from being hurt, being vulernable and I know that I can't protect them forever. I am so thankful that we are such an open family and both boys feel comfortable to talk to me about this but it is still hard to hear. Wish my mom was here to talk to her about this. I remember my first crush in 5th grade, the bad boy of St. Michaels. I know my parents were not thrilled but guided me through all of the hurts and tears. Oh how I wish I could prevent those hurts and pray that my boys don't inflict those hurts. Children, they will keep you on your knees forever.

One Shot Down

I gave Trey his second shot of enbrel at home this morning. I was encouraged that there were only a few tears but he let me do the shot without much complaining. He said on Monday that he thought the shot had helped some. We should know the full effects after two weeks. Am praying that this drug will help with the arthritis and the pain management. Of course, I keep reading all the side effects and freaking out but have to have peace about this. The biggest thing is that his immune system is weakened by this medication. HUH heard about this issue before. So now we have two immune supressed kids in our family. Thanks for your continued prayers for our family.

SNOWMAN

I wore my UGGS to school today and a little girl today me I looked like a snowman. I'm telling you, they will tell you anything. Glad I feel good about myself today.

Vera Bradley

Those of you who knew my mother knew that she never went anywhere without her Vera Bradley Purse or item. This was a picture board I had gotten her for christmas, so I decided to put it to good use in my classroom.

Enbrel

Yesterday Trey had his first injection of enbrel. we are hoping that this is a huge pain reliever. I laughed as I looked in my refrig as we now have Travis' medication and Trey's medication. Not your normal refrig condiments.

some fun in New Mexico

Sweet Days

I got these pictures from my mother's school. continue to pray for those students as they process this as well. It is a sweet thing to know how much my mother was loved by us and by others. I made it through my first day with my kids. A few tears but sweet sweet hugs and comments by my kids. They are a great reminder that life goes on.

One day at a time

Today was my first day back at work without kids just the teachers and it was difficult. Tomorrow with the kids I am sure will be hard as well. Pray for limited amount of tears. Pray for the words to come for my kids, and to let them see me grieve well. To comfort them and for them to be a comfort and a JOY to me.

Joy

That was my mother's name and it fit her perfectly. Everyone who met her loved her. She drove us crazy as kids but what mother doesn't. She will be greatly missed, especially by my family. My boys were extremely close to her and spent many days with her. As 2011 begins, I want to have JOY in my life, JOY in all circumstances and JOY with my family. I don't know what 2011 holds only the Lord knows that and I am praying for more JOY as the year goes on. As I begin this grieving process, I am seeing that there are ups and downs and when I am down it is a sinking feeling more than I ever imagined. I guess we all know that life is short and we say that but living it out is hard to do. I never thought at 69 my mother wouldn't be with us. One more conversation, one more day with her, all those things that we wish we could share one more time. I have no doubt in my mind that my mother loved me dearly and loved my children and my family dearly as well, however, to hear her say I love you one more time.... ouch... still such a tender wound...so as you pray for me and my family pray for JOY to enter our lives again and for peace which only the LORD can give. Thank you so much for loving our family during this time. It is times like this that I realized how loved I am....